I'm sick of being sick

Alright, Cold #2 officially still under way, and it's now been a week and a half. One week prior to this cold, I had just gotten over Cold #1. But who knows, this could all be combined with wicked allergies, though it seems that antihistamines aren't really helping. Whatever ... All I know is that I've suffered long enough and am tired of congested sinuses, sneezing, headache, and fatigue. At least the sore throat has finally abaited.

So, not much training going on these days ... a few short easy runs (nothing hard, don't want to induce my asthma), some short bike rides, and finally today, a short swim, more to say I got into the pool than to actually swim.

What I have been doing though is some socializing!

The past weekend saw a whole bunch of my friends participate in the Montreal Marathon weekend. Most of my runner friends opted to do the Half, but I did have one crazy fellow Ironman, Thor, come in from Boston to run his 50th marathon with a time of 3:07. According to him, he "crashed and burned", compared to his usual marathon experience. I can only dream of crashing and burning the way he did ;-)

Okay, now for some pics ... Here are some of my running friends from Montreal enjoying some brew and grub at an Irish pub Friday night. I made sure to organise this two days pre-race to not interfere with the Saturday "routine" or carb supper for those racing.

And here's a pic of the race ... the time you see is for the Half Marathoners at the 16 km split.

And here I am, meeting up with some virtual friends from my Kickrunners Multi-sport forum, Thor and his lovely wife, H.

I realised one thing about spectating ... I suck at it and seemed to miss all my running friends pass me by as I waited at the finish. Heck, I'm the one usually racing! By chance though, I did run into two friends at the end, and I was lucky to see Thor come through the finish.

How do spectators pick out ONE RUNNER out of a crowd of thousands, especially if they don't know what he/she is wearing? I have a new-found admiration for all my friends who have waited for me and cheered me on during my races.

I would have if I could have!

VICTORY!!!

Alright, I admit, the medal's not mine. It's my friend GB's medal who ran his first marathon in Ottawa last Sunday.

Finish time: 3:42:06

I warned him not to go out too fast, but did this rabbit listen to his tortoise friend? Nope. Half split was 1:38:34. Incredibly, this was almost the same time as his half marathon finish in 2007 of 2:37:00. I'm pretty sure if he'd been a little more conservative with his first half, he would have easily knocked off 7-9 min. from his finishing time.

Nevertheless, an impressive first marathon and I'm very proud of my good friend :-)

Mind you, if he had actually trained properly for it, i.e. his longest run was only 24km, then I'm sure he could have easily run sub 3:30. I'm not the greatest influence for him though as he admitted using my guerrilla training tactics ...

Geoff: "Hey, if it works for you ..."

I rolled my eyes. He'll hopefully know better when I drag him out to a fall marathon ... and also to another particular race with me one day.

Sally: You're gonna do Ironman with me one day, right?

Geoff: Yeah, sure.

This guy has more guts than me!

I miss you so much, Mom ...

Today, I'm driving my friend GB to the Ottawa Marathon. He's co-captain of my charity team, Operation Triumph, which raises funds and awareness for cancer. It's his first marathon and I'm so proud of him! I was supposed to run it with him but I've had a strange hip injury that's kept me off running. It'll be strange to be there as a spectator ...

In 2007, GB did the same favour and drove me to Ottawa so I could run the marathon. It was an especially emotional race for me because I was running to symbolize Hope that my mom would be strong enough to fight her cancer again ... she had just been diagnosed with metastisis to her lung and we were looking at viable treatment options.

But unfortunately, there weren't any ...

On April 24, 2009, at the young age of 66, my mom slipped away quietly from this world. She courageously fought a three-year battle with a horrible disease and inspired me to be a better person ... to be more patient, more loving, and more giving and I thank the Universe for this precious time that I have had with her.

Mom, I will be thinking of you tomorrow as I watch the runners go by ... and I will laugh remembering your comments and worries about my racing such long distances ... but you never told me to stop. And I will remember how you awoke early to see me off for my most recent marathon in Toronto last fall ... and how you had the most delicious bowl of soup waiting for me when I got home after finishing ...

Who would have expected that the grief from missing you, Mom, would far surpass the sadness I felt for you when you were ill? I cannot cry hard or loud or long enough to empty this horribly deep pain from my heart ...

Native American Prayer

I give you this one thought to keep
I am with you still – I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not think of me as gone
I am with you still – in each new dawn.

I will always love you, Mom!

Marathon #13 - Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront

It's been almost a week since I ran the marathon and frankly, I'm feeling quite good ... finally. I think I've recovered but the real test will come with my first run. As far as training, I've only gone for a short swim so far on Friday.

The marathon weekend started badly. I ended up working late on Friday and only started my drive around 9 pm, straight from the office. It's a long drive to Toronto and with heavy eyes drooping, I stopped and took a long nap in a rest stop parking lot only to be awoken by Sainte checking up on me ... "That's dangerous, you can't sleep there!" Yes, it was a very long drive. Bedtime only came at 5 am.

The general rule for pre-marathon rest is to get a good night's sleep two nights prior to racing as the night before is always a little nerve-wracking. Obviously, that didn't quite work out as planned ...

The alarm rang at 9:30 am as I had to go to the sports expo to pick up my race kit and a tech shirt that would hopefully fit. I have enough men's large and x-large race shirts in my collection, thank you, and no, I do not wear sleep shirts.

Here we are at the bib pick-up and chip check. I proudly pulled out "my own" chip. (Thanks again, Sainte!)

Feeling exhausted by late afternoon, I had to lie down for a bit. Later on, a little rejuvenated, I went out and did a short 3 km jog around the neighbourhood, just to get the blood flowing but nothing to shock the legs. After a good supper and some quiet time with my mom, it was time to prep for the race (backpack, clothing, race bib, drinks, etc.) I called it a night around 11:30 pm or so and zonked out right away ... I was still so tired!

*******************************************************

Race Date: September 30, 2007
Weather: about 17 C at start, 24 C at finish, very sunny
Wake-up: 5 am
Breakfast: coffee, croissant, banana, some canteloupe

Total July training: no running, no serious swimming, 90+ km cycling, the "+" being some unknown short recreational-pace distance with the kiddies
Total August training: 20 km running, 65 km cycling
Total September training: 48 km running, 61 km cycling, 1000 m swimming

*******************************************************

My two alarms rang too early at 5 am. I got dressed and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. I heard my mother stirring and she soon joined me afterwards. Groggily, she offered to make me something for breakfast but I reminded her that she had (lovingly) picked up what I needed the day before. Then I gave her a hug and she went back to bed. I can't tell you how happy I felt to have my mother see me off to this race ...

At 5:45 am, my good friend, Sainte, came to pick me up. How spoiled I was! It was still dark when he dropped me off downtown at Metro Hall, close-by the race start. "You'll do fine," he said and gave me a good luck hug.

Lots of runners filled the hall. I shared some good luck chit chat with some of the other runners.

First thing I did when I arrived was the ritual wait-in-line for the toilet. Then after taking off my extra layers, I checked in my bag and then did another wait-in-line to try to avoid having to do my usual port-o-let marathon break at 2 km.

Then off to the start line. No evident corrals and the pace bunnies seemed to be scattered hap-hazardly, not that I planned to follow any of them. Everyone started bunching up and slowly moving forward but when did the gun go off? Hmm, I just missed another start to a race. Alright, here we go again!

It was quite crowded for many kilometers and it was difficult to lock in on a regular stride as I weaved in and out of the crowd and they weaved in and out past me. It was a beautiful day and the sun had already risen. We ran through downtown Toronto until we got to the Lakeshore Boulevard. You would have thought the scenery to be more spectacular, as this race is called the "Waterfront" marathon, but unfortunately, due to our sheer numbers, we could not run by the water but on the big boulevard x-100's of metres away, only catching slight glimpses of water every so often through trees and/or past buildings.

The 10 km marker came and went and I could feel the pain in my bunions and also in my hips building up. I had not run anything more than 10 km since the Ottawa Marathon in May, four months ago, and had only managed a measly 8 km in the past two weeks. I passed the 15 km marker and was still hanging on but I had to pop a pain-killer. Though my hips felt on fire, my mood was excellent! I knew what I had gotten into with so little training and had totally accepted it ... why worry about it during the race? Anyway, there was only one really pretty part of the waterfront and it was by the nice condos, restaurants and shops. Why ruin the moment with lousy attitude?

The scenic interesting part of the race was unfortunately over in a few short kilometers and we soon found ourselves stuck in some concrete purgatory. We were running under the Gardiner Expressway, a massive highway structure that passed alongside the waterfront. Several kilometers later, we finally made our way off this dismal part of the Lakeshore Boulevard but promptly got ejected onto the Leslie Spit, a piece of landfill left gone "wild". It was more like another boring out-and-back section with overgrown grass. I was really starting to hurt and had absolutely nothing interesting to distract me.

In fact, the only thing that redeemed running the Leslie Spit was happily leaving it and seeing the 30 km marker. Woohoo!

Then drat ... right back into industrial wasteland. Oh, I could not contain my excitement about the scenery any longer, so afraid to blink lest I miss something (this is sarcasm folks).

Yes, I was a-cryin' inside but I figured I'd try to make up for the pain in gels, Gatorade, and walking through the water stops. My mood was still quite good though as I realised how much closer I was to the finish. Anyway, I wanted to look good for the photographer as I hit the infamous "wall" at 32 km!

Oh oh!!

Why did that sun have to be so strong and hot? Why didn't I feel like I was sweating? Why did these kilometres keep dragging on ... and what was with all these boring out-and-back sections? The runners I passed face-to-face looked horrible and in so much pain ... and I knew I was slower and would be hurting more than they by the time I got to those same points!

Walks at the water stations became longer and I finally resorted to the ultimate "I will not give up" tactic of the marathon shuffle, combined with short occasional stints of the Death March. I had way too much lactic acid build-up in my quads to be able to pick up my legs anymore and I had already popped a second pain-killer, to no effect.

The marathon shuffle proved quite effective as I surprisingly passed people. Maybe I was able to pump my arms harder or quicker?

"Just keep moving forward, keep moving forward."

Only a few kilometres from the finish, there was way too much silence. The streets were almost empty except for me and the other straggling BOP (back-of-pack) runners. There were no spectators. There were no cars. No noise, just quiet. It was horrible and lonely and made this difficult moment even more torturous.

Not until I went back under the Gardiner Expressway and up Bay Street, with little over a kilometre to go to the finish, did I start to see and hear a little more more life. I saw two runners in the distance. I knew I was too far from the man ahead of me to catch him, but me and my non-competitive ego could certainly ping off the girl only a hundred or so metres away from me. I turned the corner into the final stretch and heard the crowd roar. I sped up my pace determined to pass ... but the excited runners ahead of me also picked up the pace ...

200 m to the finish line. I made a break for it, lifted my heavy lactic-acid filled legs and charged!

I passed the girl in front of me, left her in my dust, and crossed the finish line.

Cry of victory! Woohoo!

Marathon #13, the "unlucky" one ... finished.

Another day, another marathon ... this one proving to me how strong the mind can be since I definitely did not have the training.

But I *believed*.

Sainte picked me up after the race and I promptly lifted my legs and propped my bare feet up against the dashboard. More than any part of me, my hips were killing me and I needed to stretch them. I was sure glad that traffic was heavy on the way back home so I could share this precious post-race moment with a good friend.

Sainte dropped me off at my mom's and gave me a congratulatory hug.

What an incredible day. I got to be with my mom and one of my best friend's and also got to collect another medal. On top of that, my mom had pork and tofu soup waiting for me. Marathon #13 wasn't unlucky at all! I told my mom about the race and her comment made me laugh. "If it hurts that much, why do it?"

Afterwards, I got cleaned up and and caught some well-deserved zzzz's. Later on, I couldn't have asked for more than to be eating a delicious home-cooked post-race supper with my mother. Yes, I was a lucky girl today.

For those who have run a marathon or other similarly difficult race, I thought I'd share with you the following picture of some stairs I encountered at a rest stop on my drive back to Montreal the next day.

What goes up ...

Must come down! ... OUCH!

Race time (gun time): 5:16:31.3
Chip time (actual time): 5:11:45.4
Pace: 7:31 min/km

Placement: 1820/2100 runners
Gender Placement: 553/710 women
Age Category Placement: 97/125

10 km split: 1:09:59
21.1 km split: 2:28:13
30 km split: 3:36:32

Was this gruelling marathon worth it? You bet your sassy bottom, YESSS!!

Where there's a will, there's a way ...

Yup, I finished.


This is me shortly after the marathon, all washed up, with a full and happy tummy, hair all frizzy, eyes droopy from fatigue, skin still flushed from exertion ... and very ready for a long nap.

What a day ... race report to come soon!

45 km

Yup, I calculated ... and recalculated ... that's all the running I've done this month. Pretty scary. Especially since I'm not even scared about doing this marathon, not even the slightest bit nervous. There are worse things in life than the pain of running a marathon ... like the pain of running a marathon with only 45 km under one's belt!

Um, I think I'm in trouble here ...

Anyway, what's done is done and I've coughed up the dough already for the entry fee so there ain't nothing that's gonna change. Am I crazy? Sure heck I am! Am I ready? Physically, no ... mentally, why not? Life is too short. Anyway, I'm a fast walker when I need to be ;-)

Pardon? What happened to that commercial, you ask? Well, the universe gave it to me (yes, I landed it) but then for some unknown reason, took it away (ad agency decided last minute to recast the role with a MAN.)

:-(

But I'll get to see my mom and also add a shiny medal to my collection ... And life is too short to not appreciate that my glass is still full to the rim!

:-) :-) :-)

Wish I may, wish I might ...

Frankly, training has been HORRIBLE, what with my ever-failing adaptation to long corporate overtime work hours. My romantic artist soul feels imprisoned in a colourless, claustrophobic cacophony of can't do this', musn't do that's, and we-are-watching-you's.

I'm sinking ... sinking ... sinking ... oh too fast ... much too fast.

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.

I auditioned for two car commercials today, one a callback (yay). Quite the feat to do considering I also had to fit in a full day at work too. I was a chicken with my head cut off. Lots of driving, what with going back and forth from the airport to downtown twice in the same day.

Weekend update:
I'm so proud of my oldest son, T ... he cycled 47 km with JC and I on Saturday. Wish I had brought my camera. (Sorry, folks.) We stopped for a picnic by the scenic north shore of Rivière-des-Prairies ... very pretty and very relaxing. JC immensely enjoyed the rustling of the leaves as slumber carried him off. I walked out onto the rocks in the river but one can only travel so far with cleats. Had to stop T who would have crossed the river if he had found enough rocks, irregardless of safe footing.

Took both sons out for a shorter cycle of 14 km on Sunday. Wish it had been longer but alas, my youngest doesn't yet have the fortitude of the eldest and magically developed a headache and sore throat just a few kilometres into the ride. Sigh.

But we got to eat some tasty Chinese desserts! Wintermelon biscuits and sweet sticky noodles, two of my childhood favourites.

Good news ... I slipped in a 5k this morning after going over lines and before heading to work.

My friend, Turtleboy, chided me tonight for my most recent tactic of only training for the last 5k of the marathon. He said I must have it down pat by now. So funny since he's actually not that far off ... When I ran this morning (while running lines in my head), I visualized the start, middle and finish of the marathon. I told myself, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if the whole marathon could be run this easy-breezy (i.e. like before fatigue set in at kilometre six)?" The silly thing is this visualization tactic can work wonders ... gotta train the mind you know, 'cause that's what'll take you to that finish line. That or the sheer stupid belief that one can run a marathon without any training. Ugh.

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.

----------------------------------------------
Dear Universe,

I wish that I will land both car commercials and then have that horrible task of deciding which one to choose! Hmm ... I choose BOTH!!

Thank you,

Silly Sally
----------------------------------------------

Of course, getting my wish would most likely nix my marathon plans for this weekend since it coincides with the possible shoot dates.

Dang. :-)

On the set of "Sophie Paquin"

I can't believe it's already Thursday night and I still haven't run since ... um, since ...

This dreaded Toronto Scotia Waterfront marathon is looming so near in the future and definitely way too close in mind ... just a measly 10 days away and I have still yet to do more than a 10k run, which I've been doing once a week. I seriously wonder what that'll buy me for this upcoming marathon. I am definitely in worse shape than for the Ottawa marathon, a lot of which is due to a tough work schedule.

How do full-time workers train for marathons and Ironman?!?! It is boggling my mind!

Alright, last you heard from me was my getting very little sleep due to the very early rise-and-shine to the dark, cold set of "Sophie Paquin", a Quebec television series. I'd landed a small role of a tourist. Since my role allowed me to carry my camera around, here are some pics of my day. No pics of the make-up/hair/wardrobe people though since when I was with them, I was being dressed, made-up or coiffed, which didn't facilitate picture taking. No pics of me either ... you'll have to try to catch me when this episode airs, and I don't know when that'll be. I usually find out about things like this after the fact ... when someone calls or tells me, "Hey, I saw you in ..."

Inside the beautiful church where we were shooting, which gave us shelter from the cold and wind outside. We were already blocking the exterior shot before sunrise.

Here's a shot of Marc, who played the tour guide ... we had a blast making jokes all day long.

Exterior shot of the church where we shot on the Plateau Mont-Royal. Montreal has amazing architecture. Don't let the sun fool you ... brrrrr.

This is what is known as the "Craft Table", with a few things for breakfast snacking.

I think the food truck is a lot more interesting. They make us tasty hot snacks that get served on set. I was sad to say I missed my ritual morning sandwich due to being too busy shooting a scene.

Here are a line-up of trailers ... they go all the way to the bottom of the street, and also in the other direction too (not in shot). I had to share my dressing room with another actor who played another tourist, but that's alright. We didn't have much time to lounge ... too busy shooting (and freezing!)

Here are some crew shots ...

And shots of two of the leads ... but would you recognize them?



And of course, other fellow actors, Marc and two others who played tourists like me.

When the pull is too strong ...

Run report for the past week:

Saturday (in Toronto) - 5k
Sunday (back in Montreal) - 10k
Tuesday - 5k
Friday - 10k

Alright, that's only 30k, but much better than the 10k/week I've been doing ... Yes, I know that the marathon is only 15 days away ... but where there's a will, there's a way. I just couldn't find it this week, what with travelling and kids, working 47 hours, an audition, some interior design work for a friend (yay, I get to be creative), a parent-teacher meeting, and hanging out with friends.

Yes, I know ... I will have to cut somewhere and unfortunately, it always seems to be with my sleep. Please forgive me friends as I will have to start ignoring your invitations. Goodbye, but just temporarily, to other fun activities, like dancing ... alright, not quite yet. You can be my cross-training as I build my base back up.

I'd better get my act together soon though as I've got a really tough gig ahead of me beyond this marathon ... something that has been mulling in my head for the past few weeks, swirling around in my brain and interfering with my thought processes, beckoning me ... tempting me ... convincing me ...

That's it!! ENOUGH ALREADY!! I can only handle so much!

No turning back now ... I did it and signed up for Ironman Louisville. Why that one? Cause it wasn't full and somewhere in a corrupted chip in my head, I convinced myself that I could drive there ... it's only 15 hours away.

Confession

Now that I've started running again after my doctor-induced break, I'm finding it a little more challenging than I'd like.

Sometimes, I pray that the light will turn red.

Yup, you got it folks, the simple truth! I wish and hope for that 30 second reprieve where I can stop running, go "ah", and just relax. Most of the time though, Murphy's Law prevails and dang, I'll get to that red light just as it turns green ... And what with runner's guilt being so powerful, I am forced to continue. That's right, runner's guilt dictates that green means go.

BAH!! Who made up these rules?

Sigh.

I ran 10k last Sunday. It was actually much easier than it was the previous weekend. Maybe the bit of cycling that I've been doing helped ... maybe that it was much cooler and I had finally gotten some rest the previous nights is more like the real answer. Good news is that my body wasn't suffering the next morning. Good news indeed. Muscle memory, it's recuperation powers are starting to kick into a higher gear.

Have I run since Sunday? Ummmm ...

Monday
Got invited to the Montreal World Film Festival closing cocktail. Had planned to go back home and run afterwards but got whisked away down the red carpet to the award ceremony and closing screening of the incredible and poignant film "A Secret" by French director Claude Miller (who, by the way, is a very nice and unpretentious gentleman). This film, along with "Ben X", won the top prize of the festival, the juried Grand Prix of the Americas. It's coming out soon, don't miss it!

Tuesday & Wednesday
Late evenings at work followed by supper with friends ... A girl's gotta eat, you know! Don't forget, I'm in marathon training.

What does $1.25 buy you?

I've been doing way too much overtime recently (i.e. finished at 1 am the other night) and figured it would be good to work out a bit after birthday cake and pizza (yes, for one of my wonderful boys) ... so I went to the local pool.

Plunked in some coins to buy me some parking, walked into the YMCA and then walked back out one minute later. Pool was closed. Undergoing maintenance.

Couldn't they choose to maintain the pool another time when I didn't want to go for a swim? Heck, I haven't been in the pool for weeks! My hair is getting shiny again what with the lack of chlorine ...

No running either, it was storming outside, and I felt lazy what with the measly 3 1/2 hours of sleep I got the night before. So I went back home and tried to catch a bit of CSI or was it Law & Order ... can't remember, I didn't watch enough of it to figure it out before I ...

Zzzzzzzz ....

Dang that couch of mine!

Slept 10 hours ... woke up at 8am and barely had enough time to get ready for work!

This marathon training somehow isn't getting off to a good start ... T minus 31 days. Oooooh!!

Time to kick some a$$!!

This past weekend, I decided I needed to kick some a$$ ... MINE, of course!

One thing about training is that it is too easy to fall out of routine. In fact, I fell out of my routine last year, right after Ironman. And now, miserably "out of shape" with a growing little Buddha Belly pushing the limits of my waistbands, I am truly missing it.

Sure, there have been a few haphazard short-lived frenetic spurts of training but I think they were more so due to "sloth guilt" and definitely not at all to discipline and determination.

(Hmm, well, I can't say I've completely faltered on the determination part since, looking back, I was able to complete a marathon with almost nil training ... guess that takes some sort of guts ... on second though, maybe that was plain old stupidity.)

This makes me think ...

Interesting how perception plays such a large part in things. I remember my first marathon, for which I was the best-trained of all my 12 marathons ... I feared that I wouldn't be able to finish it.

Fear of the unknown. It can break us if we let it.

There have been countless times that I could no longer endure the pain and fatigue while running a marathon but I always seem to get through it, because *I believe*. I'd be cursing at myself, once even incredibly angry at myself that I had elected to piggy-back marathons, when I ran Niagara after Hartford, only two weeks later. Ouch! No ... OUCH!!!

In that memorable race, my quad had seized up right after the half-way mark and it would not let go. I hated to have to take walk breaks but I needed the 30 or so seconds (okay, maybe longer) to try to massage out the cramp, working the muscle so hard I left my leg black-and-blue.

After I crossed the finish line, I looked at the volunteer who had put my finisher's medal around my neck with big eyes and asked her to *hug me*. And I then proceeded to shed loud tears of anguish and relief as my frustration and anger from the pain and my stupidity finally found its cathartic ending.

This weekend, I decided to give myself a kick-start to a new training regimen.

1) Saturday evening - ran 5 k in the icky hot and humid weather, tough but I got through it somehow

2) Sunday morning - ran 10 k in the cooler humid weather ... thought I was gonna d-i-e, I am sooo out of shape

3) Sunday afternoon - cycled 21 k with the kiddies, not super fast but it was still good to be on my bike again after this long training hiatus

4) Signed up for a marathon. Nothing like a race to motivate my lazy a$$ ... well, that didn't really work for Ottawa, but heck, it has in the past ... Yes, yes, I know the race is just a month away ... that's the challenge.

5) Sunday evening - cycled another 22 k, this time without the kiddies

6) Monday morning - cycled 22 k again before heading to work. I felt the weekend's furious kick-start in my legs. Ouch, lactic acid!

Now, let's see if I can keep up with this pace. I just have to figure out a way to train around the 10-12 hour work days I've been encountering ...

Why am I still up?

I spoke with my mother this evening. She received news of her biopsy and told me she was thinking about things.

Tonight I thought about things too.

I will surely need the strength I culled from running the Ottawa Marathon to get through the next little while ...

Ottawa Marathon 2007 Race Report

I thought I wouldn't do it. I thought I couldn't do it. I felt helpless to change my mother's situation - I could not make her better. I felt lost. In my sadness, I deferred my race.

But then my friends said:

"You can do anything you put your mind to."

"Where the mind is willing, the body will follow."

I had an epiphany.

I realised that if I don't feel hopeful and believe entirely in the power of the mind, then how can I expect her to do the same? I cannot help my mother be strong if I am not strong myself. How would I be able to support her if I have already tumbled to the ground? I pulled myself together, dried my tears, and drove out to Toronto.

It was great to see her smile. The kids and I gave her hugs. I asked where she'd like for us to travel together ... she's never seen the world. I told her we'd need to start planning since she was going to get better.

Upon returning from my mother's, I felt sad all day. I needed something to shake me up and WAKE ME UP from this horribly glum state. I needed to run, and so I did ... 25 km.

Then I *knew* that I could do it, that I would do it ... I wanted to ROOOAARR!! I needed to prove to myself once again the power of the mind ...

The Ottawa Marathon was back on again.

My friend, GB, who had originally planned to run this marathon with me but couldn't, had a change in his weekend plans and decided to come out to support me. I convinced him to sign up for his first race too, a half marathon :-) Thank you for making sure I got back home safely, GB ... I am so proud of your fast 1:37:00 time ... You totally rock!

************************************

Wake-up: 5:15 am

Breakfast: Oatmeal, banana and tea

Clothing: Long-sleeve shirt covering the nifty official race tank top and tights

Marathon start time: 7:00 am

I elected to use my triathlon bib belt as I did not know where to pin the race bib. I dropped the idea of wearing my water bottle belt as I needed to be as light as possible and did not want to feel encumbered. It was difficult enough knowing the kind of challenge that faced me. I would be running 42.2 km with only 186 km of training during the past two months ... or rather 4.4 km training per km racing. (Or as TB says, "The most for the least!") There are marathon training programs that average that kind of mileage over two weeks of running. I had stretched it out over eight weeks ...

I figured I'd arrive at the race site just before the race started. I had no choice ... it's incredible how humming and hawing about what to wear can quickly waste time. On my walk over, I felt overdressed and contemplated turning back to change into shorts. No ... no time left. I didn't want to miss the start.

I made my way to the assigned corral based on my prediction when I registered, though I knew that this race would be much slower than originally planned. I would finish BOP, back-of-pack, instead of MOP, middle-of-pack. I had no time to find a position farther back ... The horn sounded and off we went!

Uphill start but I tried to take it easy, purposely not stressing out at the realisation that I was even less prepared for this race than for the NYC Marathon, where I still had some residual Ironman fitness left in me. I was quickly passed by the faster runners but I didn't care.

From the race website:

"The 1/2 and full marathon courses are scenic and flat with very few elevation changes. Considered to be an excellent course for first timers and those looking for a personal best."

HA!! I beg to differ. There were way too many of those little Gatineau hills and I knew that my quads would pay the price later with lactic acid build-up. I had neither speed nor strength. My legs would neither lift any higher nor would they turn over any faster. I stopped four times during the first half of the course for pee breaks ... what was with my over-active bladder? Good thing Ottawa is renown for its greenery since I only found one port-o-let.

I wanted to run faster but somehow felt like I had shifted into "reflective cruising mode" and was actually enjoying the reverie. Other runners wanted to talk to me and I answered politely but I didn't feel like talking or running with anyone. I wanted to be alone.

My body had found the catharsis that I needed and inside my little bubble, I collected my mental strength, not just enough to finish, but more than enough to support my mother on the next leg of her difficult journey with cancer. I needed to create and feel HOPE and ACCEPTANCE within every particle of my being. Hope to help her heal and acceptance to be able to enjoy every moment we will have together.

Warm sun, shirt off, cold wind, shirt on ... More clouds set in and I was glad that I had chosen tights over shorts. Light mist, shirt off ... ahhh, how refreshing ... but my hands are so cold! Blow on them ... Slippery roads ... rain rain go away ... shirt on ... Medic, do you have any gels? Only chocolate? Ewww!

When the marathon joined the half marathon course, it was a little disconcerting being passed again by so many, but at the same time, strangely uplifting, as these runners with more energy than I also gave me energy, and I soon found myself running their speed though I had started 12 km ahead of them. When the two race paths separated, my sudden solitude was made sharper knowing that I had the hardest part of the marathon still ahead of me. I was tired, my bunions hurt, my shins were tight, and my quads were crying out in pain.

I tried to relax as much as possible and focused harder on the mileage countdown. Unlike most of my past marathons, I didn't curse angrily in my head nor did I question my decision to run or wonder if I would ever race again. I accepted the pain.

38 km ... 40 km ... 750 m left, I sped up ... 500 m left, I sped up some more ... 200 m left and I gunned it to the finish, lifting my legs as high as I could, pumping my arms with equal determination, and cutting through a throng of racers.



How does one describe the utterly incredible feeling of completely challenging the body, mind and spirit?

Another day. Another marathon, #12! Another shiny race medal. And my heart and soul are once more full of hope and strength and courage :-)

I love you so much, mom.

Chip Time: 5:04:50
Placement: 2765/3115
Split @ 10km: 1:14:19
Split @ 21.1km: 2:35:32
Split @ 30km: 3:39:38

For those who are curious, yes, I did do a negative split ...
21.1-42.2km: 2:29:18, faster by 6:24

Shiny metal things that spin!

I changed my mind ...

The End of the Ottawa Marathon Experiment

Due to unexpected bad news, I am cancelling my Ottawa Marathon Experiment and have deferred my race until next year.

My mother is ill again. Her cancer has returned and she has tumours in her lungs. I am sure that her still healing from the liver transplant complicates things ... I am beside myself with grief.

She told me this news on Mother's Day, having only just found out recently herself. What a crappy day to discuss this ... I have been crying and exhausted since ... don't want to run, don't want to ride, don't want to swim, though I suppose doing any of these three would be good for me right now. All I know is that I will need to be as strong as possible for my mother which means needing to back out of the Ottawa Marathon.

There are more important things on my plate right now.

Wish me luck on the long 6-hour+ drive back to see her ... I'm still afraid of highway driving since my big accident. Please send positive vibes to my mother as we await news from the hospital about her condition and possible treatment ...

I am anxious to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her ...

I've just got to go run a quick errand!

Thursday: Ottawa Marathon Training - W6, Day #3
Planned distance: 21 km
Actual distance: 20 Km

Well, it was actually a little over 20 km, but I had a few walk breaks in there ... needed them desperately. It was 29C outside and the sun was blazing.I had ran downtown to a doctor's appointment and then ran back via "the mountain". Montreal is definitely not a flat city.

Friday: Swim training

5 x 200 m = various drills: kick, pull-buoy, one-arm crawl, swimming on side

5 x 200 m = front crawl

20 sec. rest inbetween sets

Total swim = 2 km

Followed by an evening of three hours of super fun swing dancing!


Saturday: Ottawa Marathon Training - W6, Day #4
Planned distance: extra day of running to try to make up for my lazy bones
Actual distance: 4.5 km

I ran to go pick up my car at the garage after they failed to change my winter tires since they had broken my mag lock key ... the LAST time I'd gotten serviced by them!! The mechanic had failed to tell me this, obviously to cover his total incompetence at stripping both the mag lock AND the key.

Ottawa Marathon Training Summary: Week #6
Planned Mileage: 59 km
Actual Mileage: 35.5 km

Not what I should have run, but still a 29.1% increase from last week's total of 27.5 km.


I went to watch my Coolrunning friends do an early evening race, the "Défi du printemps" or "Spring Challenge". It was strange to be at a race and not be in race gear, but heck, I was on my way to a Norah Jones concert!

It was a nice race course through one of Montreal's main parks, starting and ending at the Olympic Stadium. Here's KZ doing a 10k!


Special kudos to LA for her first ever, a 5k! She's bib #1310.

It was interesting to finally be on the spectator side of a race ... I screamed words of encouragement to as many runners as I could as I passed them on the park paths on the way back to the car ... their smiles and eyes said it all, and I only wish that more spectators had turned up.

So for those who have ever volunteered at a race or gone out to cheer us athletes on ... THANK YOU!!

If that's what it friggin' takes ...

I brought my run gear to work today, planned to run during lunch again, but a colleague coerced me to join him (oooh, my rubber arm!) Georgeous day outside but glad it became a little cloudy later in the afternoon. Hot blazing sun is not good for running.

And neither is a big heavy backpack.

I figured this was my penitence for not running at lunch. And of course, since the after-work run was impromptu and motivated by guilt, I had to figure out how to stuff EVERYTHING into the bag. If I had planned ahead, I would have not brought my purse full of useless things or would have brought a sandwich and not half my Tupperware collection. Add on top of it, a bottle filled with water. Fortunately, I realised how stupid that would be, to run with a very heavy water bottle in my backpack too, so I chug-a-lugged most of it, leaving just enough for drastic measures during the run. No blazing sun to fry me, but it was still plenty hot and humid ... 27C!

It took a lot of coordination and double checking before leaving the office. I realised as I was running up the long steep 1.5 km hill that it would have been much simpler to just go home and THEN run. But I figured this was for the better ... I wasn't hungry for once and had psyched myself up to run, heavy bag and all ...

It's like when I run marathons and I know I haven't trained nearly enough. No, I don't cancel. I'm just too psyched already to do it and since I don't really care about time, but rather just love the whole experience, I can always count on me to pull through to the finish.

The mind is stronger than you think.

Ottawa Marathon Training - W6, Day #2

Planned run: 10 km
Actual distance: 6.5 km

I cut the distance tonight in preparation for tomorrow's hoped-for run ... Wish me luck!

OH MY GOSH!!

True story, too true ...

My upstairs neighbour after just having arrived home from work today, was startled by noise at the front door, which she had only closed just 30 seconds before. A strange man had followed her into her house and was in her vestibule. She told him to get out and he mumbled something about, "Isn't this so-and-so address?"

Get real, Mr. Loser. If you are familiar enough to the house and occupant to be comfortable enough to walk in unannounced, then you'd certainly recognize whether or not you'd made the mistake of entering the wrong house. Heck, you would have already known before opening the door! If this was an unknown house and address as per your reaction, then why the heck did you not knock or ring the buzzer?!?!

My neighbour was very upset and rightly so when she ran downstairs and told me what had just happened. She wished she had screamed at the top of her lungs to "GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!" but she hadn't because of her polite nature. Besides, she was too much in shock. All she had done was back him out of the doorway by presenting herself as a barrier until he left. She regretted not having been more assertive and less of a victim.

Thank God nothing bad happened to her, but it gave me enough willies to decide not to run in the dark tonight. And tomorrow, I'll look around before I walk into my house. Hope my neighbour will not be too traumatized ...

Well, at least I ran yesterday, even got up at 5:20 am to do so, since I had lots of work to clear off my desk as well.

Ottawa Marathon Training - W6, Day #1

Planned distance: 28 km
Actual distance: 4.5 km ...

... Hey, cut me some slack ... I was supposed to do a long run Sunday but it's hard to fit in with the kids, etc. At least Monday's run was a tempo run ... I think ... Well, I ran faster, does that count?

Who ARE these people I supposedly look like?

Oooh ... I'm not doing too well ... My experiment is failing miserably ... I have no discipline ... How was I ever able to do the Ironman?!?!

Ottawa Marathon Training Summary - Week #5

Planned Mileage: 48 km
Actual Mileage: 27.5 km

This represents an 11.3% drop in mileage from last week's 31 km. I have a feeling this marathon is going to hurt more than New York where I still had some residual fitness leftover from training for the Ironman. OOF! A work colleague told me today that I have balls. I remember when my buddy MJ told me the same thing last year.

Ahem ...

Now for something fun and silly ...

And who especially is this Sammi Cheng girl. Google says she's a Hong Kong pop star. You tell me ... do we look alike? Heck, all Asians look alike ... right?

Who do YOU look like?