Inspiration is exhilarating!

Tonight, I went to see the film "The Bucket List" with an actor friend of mine. It's the story of two cancer patients that meet in a hospital room, become best friends, and then decide to go on a road trip around the world to do all the things they've always wanted to do before kicking the bucket.

Fantastic acting, interesting story line, surprise ending. Made my friend and I think.

So ... what was supposed to be a late training evening turned into an exhilarating inspiring one as MR and I talked about life, death, love and spirituality. The subject got onto Operation Triumph and what it meant to my friends and I, and how I'd like to get the acting community to participate in this positive project. Well, interesting how inspiration leads to creativity leads to exhilaration leads to being in awe with all the possibilities!

Life is what you make it. You can choose to go wallow in a hole or float in a protective bubble or ... decide that life is beautiful and wonderful and choose to be positive.

The View from My House

We've had a lot of snow recently ... about 35cm or so. Enough to want to call it a "Snow Day" like when we were kids and schools closed. I'd love not to go into work and just do nothing all day long, well maybe train and watch some flicks on the tube too.

This morning, I got up early, around 6am and the snow had stopped. DG told me he's never seen "igloos" before (cars completely buried in snow) ... well, he's never lived in the city centre before either.


Not much training since last week. Just two swim sessions. Lots of eating sessions ... it's that time of year again though ... sigh.

One good thing about tonight's swim was getting across the pool easily enough in only 17 strokes. I even tried breathing every five strokes as well just to see if it would add efficiency to my stroke and with some practice, I think it might. I had to concentrate real hard NOT to breathe every three strokes. I definitely think I'm much faster than I was last summer or maybe I haven't been swimming enough to remember ...

Been too busy recently to get more training in ... I landed another role in another play recently and had a rehearsal and public reading. I hope this play "The Source" goes to stage ... it'll be fun! It's based on a philosophical book called "The Magic of Unknowing" and it sparked a lot of interesting discussion after the rehearsal and the reading.

As I've gotten older, I've realised that the more I know, the more I realise I don't know ... which is cool in an interesting way ... excites me to think of all that is still to discover!

When the pace of life becomes too fast ...

Wow.

Simply ... wow.

I just realised how much time has transpired since the last time I blogged. My apologies to everyone. It's not that I didn't feel inspired to write, since I always have good ideas and stories and love to share, but frankly ...

Where did the time go?

I've been able to keep up a minimum training schedule though ... short 5 k runs, rides of 20-34 k, 30-45 minutes in the pool doing laps from time to time ... all of which has been difficult enough to do what with work, my acting career, the kids, my commitment to the dance community and a new charity team that I am creating.

So what can one do to slow down the pace of life?

1) Eat a good breakfast.

- sauteed potatoes
- grilled tomatoes
- organic pears from my mother's backyard sauteed in butter and brown sugar
- scrambled eggs with green onions, Italian sausage, and cheddar cheese
- a hot cup of Tetley tea

2) Go for a bike ride on the north shore.

Montreal is *amazing* for its bike paths. Besides, crisp autumn days call for getting outdoors and enjoying the amazing colours and fresh air.

3) Stop off at the park.

I remember taking my kids to this park when they could both fit in the bike trailer together. It's about 17 km away from our house and was our turn-around point. Our reward for cycling out this distance was a picnic and playing, such as we did again here in these pics but this time, I had no trailer to pull!

4) Invite a friend over for supper.

This is LifeAny. She's a member of the Montreal Coolrunners, like me. She used to never run but decided to do the couch-2-5k program and this year, she did her first 5 k race, followed soon after by another 5 k hilly race on a super hot day (she's crazy) and we're so proud of her.

On the menu:

- tofu in oyster sauce with BBQ pork and broccoli
- snow pea leaves sauteed with garlic
- white Jasmine rice

5) Finish off the day with hugs and cuddles from all those you love ...

Have a wonderful rest of the week! Don't forget, no matter what difficulty you're going through in life, everything is transitory ... xoxo

Do you own your life?

I had an interesting conversation with a fellow dancer after my dance practice tonight.

AK, who is usually bubbly and all over the dance floor was a little less energetic than usual, so I asked her if she had had a bad day. "I'll be alright," she said but something in her sullen tone told me the opposite so I offered her a big hug and suggested we go for coffee and catch up, since we haven't had the chance to do so since early summer. Girl talk time, ya know!

I think that the moka java AK ordered was just the right thing to pick up her spirits and of course, sharing it with a good friend was even better.

Seems that she is constantly harassed by her ex-boyfriend who tires to "infiltrate" her life as often as he can though they haven't been together for years.

"What is his preoccupation? Can't he move on?" she sighed heavily to me.

Such a pitiful existence. Seems that he blames her for anything that doesn't go right in his life and does so with inconsistent streams of ridiculous accusations.

"Nope," as she explained, "he just won't let go ... 'cause letting go would mean having to take responsibility of his own actions and their consequences. It would mean having to get his own life."

This led into an interesting philosophical discussion about "owning one's life" which is sorta like this:

Some folks "do". Others blame.

Most people don't understand this simple concept of "owning one's life" (take for example, AK's ex) and those who do, find their lives amazingly enriched because this always inevitably results in some rewarding soul searching.

Life is about choices. We can choose to sit back and "let" things happen or choose to go out and and "make" things happen. When faced with difficulties, do you see obstacles or do you see challenges? Yes, back to the old "glass half-full or glass half-empty" discussion.

I choose to see a glass that I can fill with whatever I'd like to drink as often as I'd like. And it's a glass that I'm very happy to own :-)

Warm healing vibes to Alston ...

Just found out that a friend of my friend MJ's that I met at her New Year's party is recovering right now in the hospital from having a cancerous tumour removed. He had only just finished an utterly gruelling chemo treatment.

Please take some time to look at Alston's blog and send him positive vibes, whether just in your thoughts or as a comment, even though you don't know him. There is a lot of truth in wishful thinking ...

Here he is at MJ's party, so incredibly full of laughter and warmth ... Alston, though I don't know you as more than an acquaintance, I remarked right away on your beautiful energy ... I'm sending you positive vibes. Hang in there, you will feel better soon ... All things in life are transitory.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with how well you drive ...

I got hit by a car today. Rear-ended.

I had stopped for a light. But the driver behind me decided not to stop.

He was driving some huge SUV. My car is a little Chevy Aveo. Can you imagine the impact? His car pushed mine into the station wagon in front of me.

No apology, no how are the kids, how is your friend? He did ask me if I was alright, and I said quite clearly, evidently shaken, "NO, I am NOT alright."

Do you think he would have noticed that all my hair, which had been thrown forward with my neck, was still stuck all over my face? Noooo ... he was just a stupid a-hole driver who walked back to his car with no comment.

Then when I finally went to speak with him to ask him what the f*ck he thought he was doing (without using those words), he mentioned something about "it was something in my car" then had the gall to say about the accident, "It was nothing." Nothing? ... NOTHING? "I told you I was not alright, my neck and shoulders hurt and you say it is nothing?" The unapologetic man tried to defend his inattentive driving with callousness and nonchalance. That never works, bud ... it just makes you a bigger jerk.

And the woman whose car I got pushed into, all she could say was "I'm a doctor, I'll only talk to you when you calm down. I'm not listening to you." Then she turned her back like a spoiled little brat who couldn't get her way.

Excuse me, Madame ... obviously, there are good reasons for my not feeling calm ... Let me point them out to you because you are so un-observant:

1) I am hurt. All I need is more whiplash on top of last year's whiplash.

2) The driver who hit me refused to accept responsibility.

3) He also had no concern for the passengers of my car, namely me, my kids and my friend.


Thank you Madame for your utter lack of concern. I am glad I am not your patient.

My neck hurts, my back hurts, and my shoulder hurts ... but worse, I feel shaken down to my core emotionally, especially since I am still healing from last year's accident and it's been such a long road back.

Oh, here's another stupid proud remark from the doctor when I told her that whiplash is serious ... "Oh, I've treated lots of people with whiplash." Yup, that's why she took my being upset and in pain so unseriously.

To top it all off, I overheard the guy driver say to someone on his cell phone, "There's nothing wrong with her".

What happened to decency, respect, compassion and caring?

Sad world in which we live when we encounter incidents like this. Just remember, this is a choice one makes, to care or not to care.

I choose to care.

Thanks JC for caring and consoling me through my tears. Thanks Gustav for trying to massage out the pain ... and thank you to my boys for all the hugs you gave me when you saw how shaken up mummy felt.

What is right with the world?

I saw a really cool film with Dewitt Jones, a National Geographic photographer, entitled "What is right with the world?" What a totally inspirational film! It struck many chords inside me ...

"Perception controls our reality and if we
don't believe it, we won't see it."

"By celebrating what's right, we can fix what's
wrong."

"Change is possibility and the times of most
change hold the most possibility."

"When we believe it, we'll see
it."

"We have to be willing to trust it, go out on the
edge."

"Your life? ... Success vs. Significance ... Are
you the best in the world or the best FOR the world?

"You just have to do it and
believe."

Now go out there, and LIVE!! And don't be afraid ...

Ottawa Marathon 2007 Race Report

I thought I wouldn't do it. I thought I couldn't do it. I felt helpless to change my mother's situation - I could not make her better. I felt lost. In my sadness, I deferred my race.

But then my friends said:

"You can do anything you put your mind to."

"Where the mind is willing, the body will follow."

I had an epiphany.

I realised that if I don't feel hopeful and believe entirely in the power of the mind, then how can I expect her to do the same? I cannot help my mother be strong if I am not strong myself. How would I be able to support her if I have already tumbled to the ground? I pulled myself together, dried my tears, and drove out to Toronto.

It was great to see her smile. The kids and I gave her hugs. I asked where she'd like for us to travel together ... she's never seen the world. I told her we'd need to start planning since she was going to get better.

Upon returning from my mother's, I felt sad all day. I needed something to shake me up and WAKE ME UP from this horribly glum state. I needed to run, and so I did ... 25 km.

Then I *knew* that I could do it, that I would do it ... I wanted to ROOOAARR!! I needed to prove to myself once again the power of the mind ...

The Ottawa Marathon was back on again.

My friend, GB, who had originally planned to run this marathon with me but couldn't, had a change in his weekend plans and decided to come out to support me. I convinced him to sign up for his first race too, a half marathon :-) Thank you for making sure I got back home safely, GB ... I am so proud of your fast 1:37:00 time ... You totally rock!

************************************

Wake-up: 5:15 am

Breakfast: Oatmeal, banana and tea

Clothing: Long-sleeve shirt covering the nifty official race tank top and tights

Marathon start time: 7:00 am

I elected to use my triathlon bib belt as I did not know where to pin the race bib. I dropped the idea of wearing my water bottle belt as I needed to be as light as possible and did not want to feel encumbered. It was difficult enough knowing the kind of challenge that faced me. I would be running 42.2 km with only 186 km of training during the past two months ... or rather 4.4 km training per km racing. (Or as TB says, "The most for the least!") There are marathon training programs that average that kind of mileage over two weeks of running. I had stretched it out over eight weeks ...

I figured I'd arrive at the race site just before the race started. I had no choice ... it's incredible how humming and hawing about what to wear can quickly waste time. On my walk over, I felt overdressed and contemplated turning back to change into shorts. No ... no time left. I didn't want to miss the start.

I made my way to the assigned corral based on my prediction when I registered, though I knew that this race would be much slower than originally planned. I would finish BOP, back-of-pack, instead of MOP, middle-of-pack. I had no time to find a position farther back ... The horn sounded and off we went!

Uphill start but I tried to take it easy, purposely not stressing out at the realisation that I was even less prepared for this race than for the NYC Marathon, where I still had some residual Ironman fitness left in me. I was quickly passed by the faster runners but I didn't care.

From the race website:

"The 1/2 and full marathon courses are scenic and flat with very few elevation changes. Considered to be an excellent course for first timers and those looking for a personal best."

HA!! I beg to differ. There were way too many of those little Gatineau hills and I knew that my quads would pay the price later with lactic acid build-up. I had neither speed nor strength. My legs would neither lift any higher nor would they turn over any faster. I stopped four times during the first half of the course for pee breaks ... what was with my over-active bladder? Good thing Ottawa is renown for its greenery since I only found one port-o-let.

I wanted to run faster but somehow felt like I had shifted into "reflective cruising mode" and was actually enjoying the reverie. Other runners wanted to talk to me and I answered politely but I didn't feel like talking or running with anyone. I wanted to be alone.

My body had found the catharsis that I needed and inside my little bubble, I collected my mental strength, not just enough to finish, but more than enough to support my mother on the next leg of her difficult journey with cancer. I needed to create and feel HOPE and ACCEPTANCE within every particle of my being. Hope to help her heal and acceptance to be able to enjoy every moment we will have together.

Warm sun, shirt off, cold wind, shirt on ... More clouds set in and I was glad that I had chosen tights over shorts. Light mist, shirt off ... ahhh, how refreshing ... but my hands are so cold! Blow on them ... Slippery roads ... rain rain go away ... shirt on ... Medic, do you have any gels? Only chocolate? Ewww!

When the marathon joined the half marathon course, it was a little disconcerting being passed again by so many, but at the same time, strangely uplifting, as these runners with more energy than I also gave me energy, and I soon found myself running their speed though I had started 12 km ahead of them. When the two race paths separated, my sudden solitude was made sharper knowing that I had the hardest part of the marathon still ahead of me. I was tired, my bunions hurt, my shins were tight, and my quads were crying out in pain.

I tried to relax as much as possible and focused harder on the mileage countdown. Unlike most of my past marathons, I didn't curse angrily in my head nor did I question my decision to run or wonder if I would ever race again. I accepted the pain.

38 km ... 40 km ... 750 m left, I sped up ... 500 m left, I sped up some more ... 200 m left and I gunned it to the finish, lifting my legs as high as I could, pumping my arms with equal determination, and cutting through a throng of racers.



How does one describe the utterly incredible feeling of completely challenging the body, mind and spirit?

Another day. Another marathon, #12! Another shiny race medal. And my heart and soul are once more full of hope and strength and courage :-)

I love you so much, mom.

Chip Time: 5:04:50
Placement: 2765/3115
Split @ 10km: 1:14:19
Split @ 21.1km: 2:35:32
Split @ 30km: 3:39:38

For those who are curious, yes, I did do a negative split ...
21.1-42.2km: 2:29:18, faster by 6:24

How much can HOPE buy someone?

When I moved to Montreal, I had just finished high school and the only person I knew was DL, who I had met that summer in French Immersion while in Montreal, and who, by the way, is still a dear friend of mine though he moved to Toronto. I had two bags and my sewing machine. I had no money and no place to live. A kind friend who I also just met at French Immersion loaned me rent.

I went through first year university as a typical super poor student since I had a $1500 dentist debt for which I had to make monthly payments. It didn't help that I had school and books and my apartment and food to pay as well. I remember the week I had $8 for food, no credit and no money coming in. I scrimped on what I ate and made it through the week with some bucks left over.

I still know how to make a delicious meal with very little.

Many times in my life, I have had to start from scratch, like ... after leaving my alcoholic first husband, when I had no job and no money ... I painted the apartment then spent Christmas and the day after that, yes, Boxing Day, my birthday, alone. I was happy to at least have a couch since I didn't have a bed. And a kind friend bought me groceries as a Christmas present. That friend, MS, is still a good friend.

Fast forward through lots of times when I didn't have enough work therefore, no money ... I had chosen a hard path. I wanted to be an ACTOR. I've known I wanted to be this since I was a kid and went against all cultural conditioning to become "that doctor" ... though I've played both a doctor and a nurse in different films.

Fast forward again and I found myself a single mom with no work, no money, two toddlers, having to find a new home and restart a flailing career. The break-up is an ugly sad story that you'll have to read about yourself in my book one day ...

Zip, zip, zip ... time flies by quickly, I realise how fast but have no easy way of slowing it down ... zoooom!

First marathon. Rebuild career. Sons get taller - they are so handsome! Raise money for charities. Mother ill. Bad car accident. Ironman. Mother gets new liver. 11th marathon. Injuries from accident healing. Mother ill.

"What's the point?" you ask ...

How much can HOPE buy someone?

I think THAT is one of my most precious gifts ... the ability to hope and the ability to believe that I can make things happen. I realised a long time ago that things weren't going to happen by themselves. And I learned to NOT be afraid or think that I shouldn't or couldn't.

I know it is "I will", not whether "I can or can't".

One may ask, "Why me, why now, why this?" but no answer could ever change anything that is actually happening. Things just "are" and how one decides to accept or change something is where one's HOPE lies ... it's what you decide to do with the situation.

HOPE is the ability to evoke change, whether it is within oneself or within a situation. And maybe the change we evoke, whether within or outside ourselves, will shine a beacon bright enough to illuminate someone else's darkness.

I was speaking with my good friend GB the other day about how life is a puzzle ... will we ever be able to find all the pieces, do these pieces belong together or will I have to cram them all together? What do all these pieces mean? What picture am I creating?

The edges of the puzzle are your soul. And you decide the picture ... yes, YOU decide the picture.

Swim training yesterday:

- I slipped into the pool and swam for 21 min., just one tuck turn to say I did it, and the rest touch turns ... nice and easy, then I finished off with some back crawl

1000 m front crawl + 50 m back crawl = 1050 m = some respite from my sadness

Look what we found!

It's been a holiday weekend full of food, food, and more food. Good thing I love to cook and bake. No running though ... I am again off the mark with my marathon training plan. Well, there's only so much I can do as a single mother when the kids are around.

When I trained for my first marathon, Quebec 2001, my children were much younger and much LIGHTER. When I had no sitter and had to train, I used to pull them both in the wagon. They loved it and used to scream out "Faster, faster!"

Perhaps my neighbours thought I was crazy running in such hot temperatures while pulling my little ones, but I remember how proud I was of myself for being so determined. I felt the same way cycling on the bike paths with both kids in tow in the trailer, especially as I passed the other cyclists on the uphills. Though I am not a frail woman, I am still quite petite, but never have I felt less than MIGHTY and INVINCIBLE during these precious moments when I trained with my kids.


FRIDAY

With only a few hours sleep due to my previous night's shoot, Good Friday became Relaxed Friday.

As expected, no training except for some good ab work, what with all the gut-wrenching laughter as we watched the totally hilarious and highly enjoyable film Blades of Glory. A "must see" if you like great parody and purposeful cheesiness.



Will Farrell and Jon Heder play two over-the-top figure skaters who, after being banned from men's competition forever, find a loophole and overcome their differences to compete in the pairs division. Fantastic costumes and routines. Especially hilarious to me since I grew up watching lots of figure skating.

**Watch for my light blue Chevy Aveo with the snowboard rack as Will Farrell "gets away"** This film was shot in Montreal and I did some extra work on it with Greta, my car. Will Farrell is really tall, especially running with skates!

SATURDAY

We hit the pool but unfortunately the holiday schedule dictated an early closure. Dang. Instead, we headed off to pick up some Chinese groceries ... and LOOK WHAT WE FOUND!

Earlier that afternoon, my sons remarked on my being smitten with a certain German tea set from the 1700's on display at the Museum of Fine Arts. I stopped three times to gaze at it longingly as we explored the "Decorative Arts" exhibit.

So when we found this $19.00 set, we just had to have it!



Great little tea set ... and with a metal strainer too! Bonus!! The kids and I were thrilled about our find and were anxious to put it to good use, so of course, this called for some nice loose-leaf tea ... My favourite, green tea!

This little splurge dictated preparing a nice supper to celebrate ... steamed egg with oyster sauce, BBQ pork, sauteed broccoli, and Jasmine-scented rice.

Sometimes it's not the big things that are the most important. Treasure all the small things. They are just as important. Never take them for granted.

Sometimes when picking up my kids, I would tell them that I had a surprise for them ... It was always simple things, like strawberries and cream for dessert, or putting out the wading pool for them, or a friend coming to join us for supper ... the list is endless.

It's up to you to fill your list and make your life special.

SUNDAY

We hit the pool again, this time successfully.

1) 10 x 8 laps = 80 laps or 2000 m - Worked on relaxing, body position and pull

2) I played "Monkey in the Middle" and "Tag" with the kids.

Nothing beats celebrating Easter with chocolate, a tasty braised beef with all the fixings, and a fun game of Monopoly. Did I tell you that Monopoly is my favourite game in the world? I once played in a tournament when I was in university ... I'll show you proof one day if you're interested ...

March Break Madness

I only realised today how long it's been since I last posted ... what can I say? Kids aren't in school or at their father's, and as any parent knows ... kids need a lot of attention and that's A-OK. Been a really fun March Break so far ... :-)

What have we been up to?

- snowboarding ... pretty wicked, especially with all the fresh snow
- lounging
- swimming
- watching videos - picked up Shanghai Noon and Shanghai Knights tonight ... funnier than I thought they would be!
- eating yummy stuff, like hot dogs, braised beef, homemade chocolate chip cookies, rice pudding, bacon and eggs, homemade bread, Chinese food (mine!), nachos with salsa and cheese, and more ... This sure beats my Christmas eating. Yes, I am doing a fine job of feeding my Buddha belly this week.
- sleeping
- cuddling and laughing and playing
- spending time with friends and other good stuff ...
- certainly haven't put any emphasis on training - hey, March Break is family week for me!

**********************************

I got into a conversation with JC recently about blogging and websites. He received a few negative comments like "don't be so narcissistic" when he first started his website for his photos and also other websites for things that interested him that he wanted to share with the world ...

I too have received comments about being "self-absorbed" or "self-centered" and all interestingly enough from people who don't even know me. Hmm ...

Well, JC and I and other bloggers and people who have websites have one thing to say to these negative people ...

"Don't visit our websites."

Easy solution, isn't it? Duh, I would think so!

Would these people continue smelling their own socks if they didn't like the stench? Or gobbling everything on their plates while complaining about how disgusting the food tastes?

Life is full of choices. I'd rather not choose the negative ones.

Thank you to the readers who do like to read my blog, and a special thank you to those who have shared their thoughts with me by making comments. I appreciate the time that you take out of your day to visit me here :-)

Have a great weekend!

Didn't manage to get the run or swim in today, drat, ran out of time, but did get a good short swim in yesterday, just 35 min. Been working a lot on my pull, which is going well as JC tells me he's having trouble now keeping up, and also on my flip turn, which is going ... alright. Still trying to figure out the right moment to twist ... Can I start twisting as soon as my feet push off the wall? Seems to be the only way I avoid half the pool going up my nose ...

Here are some words I'd like to share with you for the weekend. I live my life this way ...

Why lead a mediocre life when I can choose an EXTRAORDINARY one?

Enjoy ...

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

-- Mother Teresa