Visiting Mom

When it FINALLY hit me that I would lose my mother to an incurable cancer, my heart and soul cried out in anguish and that "little girl" inside of me, with insecure, selfish, little girl needs of love and affection, awakened and wailed.

I realised how much I still needed my mother. And though it will be difficult, I know that the inevitability is that I will have to let go, ready or not.

So, for every day that I still have my mother, I will love her as deeply and tenderly as I can. Some people have bitterness and resentment towards their parents during their adult life. I feel none of this towards my mother and realise that life is too short for blame. Could haves, would haves, should haves. None of this means anything in the face of death. No point in ruminating over what wasn't perfect, for the Universe knows I was far from it.

And so, I was very happy to visit my mother in Toronto. Thank you Jonathan Clark for taking this beautiful series of shots.

Thursday, May 1

No training for this little girl today. It was a travelling day. Besides, after Jonathan's Soul Travel, India show, I had too many loose ends to take care of which resulted in another night of almost no sleep. I opted for some zzz's in the car. It's nice having a second driver!

My mom was really excited about my visit, and upon my arrival, I promptly took her out for supper at a Chinese buffet she hadn't visited for a long while. Lots of choice, maybe too much ... we happily ate like PIGS! For dessert, I had a green tea rice ball, mango jello, almond jello, and some red bean soup.



Friday, May 2

Pissy rain day. Popped by my cousin's house to visit her newborn fraternal twins ... a little boy and a little girl ... how adorable! Good thing Grandma, her mother, is there to help!



Then I took my mom out for our ritual dim sum and afterwards ran around with her grocery shopping, a luxury for her since she can't get out on her own.

I slipped out after supper for a quick swim. Toronto is renown for the distances between places, and the available pool was no exception. It took me almost half an hour to get there! Was it worth it for the measly 1000 m that I swam before the pool closed? You betcha! Felt good to train again ...

Saturday, May 3

Another pissy rain day, but today, I had committed to cycling.

It was miserable, cold and very wet, at times even torrential, but I really wanted to cycle some of the rollers just outside Toronto. I gave up looking for a place to relieve myself in the thick of the rain and while adjusting my aerobars at some intersection, I promptly went there, where I was standing, happily knowing that the rain would hide my, ahem, urgency.

I arrived home after cycling 55 km to a wonderful plate of my mom's fried rice. This has got to be one of my #1 comfort foods and I could have eaten unlimited plates of it!

The afternoon brought more shopping, including this really cool Chinese herb place.

Sunday, May 4

What I had in rain yesterday, I had in wind today. I headed out again to the rollers to do some more cycling. At one point, while going downhill, I could only hit 22km/h. Pretty dismal headwind. Needless to say I was pretty spent and very happy to finally make it back home after a 45 km cycle.

I came home to my mom's pork bone and tofu leaf soup. Another favourite comfort food.

That evening, we gathered up the relatives and had a BBQ feast at my cousin's ... My mom and I were happy to see everyone all together, it had been so long for both of us.

Monday, May 5

Travel day back to Montreal, no time to train.

Jonathan met up with us in the morning and we visited ZS (pics above), a friend of my mother's who had shared a hospital room with her for a few months during her recovery from the fall she had had before Christmas.

ZS, you are a beautiful woman, inside and out. Thank you for being so kind to my mother. My mother was thrilled to be reunited with you.

Oh Mom ... It's always so hard to say good-bye ...