45 km

Yup, I calculated ... and recalculated ... that's all the running I've done this month. Pretty scary. Especially since I'm not even scared about doing this marathon, not even the slightest bit nervous. There are worse things in life than the pain of running a marathon ... like the pain of running a marathon with only 45 km under one's belt!

Um, I think I'm in trouble here ...

Anyway, what's done is done and I've coughed up the dough already for the entry fee so there ain't nothing that's gonna change. Am I crazy? Sure heck I am! Am I ready? Physically, no ... mentally, why not? Life is too short. Anyway, I'm a fast walker when I need to be ;-)

Pardon? What happened to that commercial, you ask? Well, the universe gave it to me (yes, I landed it) but then for some unknown reason, took it away (ad agency decided last minute to recast the role with a MAN.)

:-(

But I'll get to see my mom and also add a shiny medal to my collection ... And life is too short to not appreciate that my glass is still full to the rim!

:-) :-) :-)

Do you own your life?

I had an interesting conversation with a fellow dancer after my dance practice tonight.

AK, who is usually bubbly and all over the dance floor was a little less energetic than usual, so I asked her if she had had a bad day. "I'll be alright," she said but something in her sullen tone told me the opposite so I offered her a big hug and suggested we go for coffee and catch up, since we haven't had the chance to do so since early summer. Girl talk time, ya know!

I think that the moka java AK ordered was just the right thing to pick up her spirits and of course, sharing it with a good friend was even better.

Seems that she is constantly harassed by her ex-boyfriend who tires to "infiltrate" her life as often as he can though they haven't been together for years.

"What is his preoccupation? Can't he move on?" she sighed heavily to me.

Such a pitiful existence. Seems that he blames her for anything that doesn't go right in his life and does so with inconsistent streams of ridiculous accusations.

"Nope," as she explained, "he just won't let go ... 'cause letting go would mean having to take responsibility of his own actions and their consequences. It would mean having to get his own life."

This led into an interesting philosophical discussion about "owning one's life" which is sorta like this:

Some folks "do". Others blame.

Most people don't understand this simple concept of "owning one's life" (take for example, AK's ex) and those who do, find their lives amazingly enriched because this always inevitably results in some rewarding soul searching.

Life is about choices. We can choose to sit back and "let" things happen or choose to go out and and "make" things happen. When faced with difficulties, do you see obstacles or do you see challenges? Yes, back to the old "glass half-full or glass half-empty" discussion.

I choose to see a glass that I can fill with whatever I'd like to drink as often as I'd like. And it's a glass that I'm very happy to own :-)

Wish I may, wish I might ...

Frankly, training has been HORRIBLE, what with my ever-failing adaptation to long corporate overtime work hours. My romantic artist soul feels imprisoned in a colourless, claustrophobic cacophony of can't do this', musn't do that's, and we-are-watching-you's.

I'm sinking ... sinking ... sinking ... oh too fast ... much too fast.

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.

I auditioned for two car commercials today, one a callback (yay). Quite the feat to do considering I also had to fit in a full day at work too. I was a chicken with my head cut off. Lots of driving, what with going back and forth from the airport to downtown twice in the same day.

Weekend update:
I'm so proud of my oldest son, T ... he cycled 47 km with JC and I on Saturday. Wish I had brought my camera. (Sorry, folks.) We stopped for a picnic by the scenic north shore of Rivière-des-Prairies ... very pretty and very relaxing. JC immensely enjoyed the rustling of the leaves as slumber carried him off. I walked out onto the rocks in the river but one can only travel so far with cleats. Had to stop T who would have crossed the river if he had found enough rocks, irregardless of safe footing.

Took both sons out for a shorter cycle of 14 km on Sunday. Wish it had been longer but alas, my youngest doesn't yet have the fortitude of the eldest and magically developed a headache and sore throat just a few kilometres into the ride. Sigh.

But we got to eat some tasty Chinese desserts! Wintermelon biscuits and sweet sticky noodles, two of my childhood favourites.

Good news ... I slipped in a 5k this morning after going over lines and before heading to work.

My friend, Turtleboy, chided me tonight for my most recent tactic of only training for the last 5k of the marathon. He said I must have it down pat by now. So funny since he's actually not that far off ... When I ran this morning (while running lines in my head), I visualized the start, middle and finish of the marathon. I told myself, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if the whole marathon could be run this easy-breezy (i.e. like before fatigue set in at kilometre six)?" The silly thing is this visualization tactic can work wonders ... gotta train the mind you know, 'cause that's what'll take you to that finish line. That or the sheer stupid belief that one can run a marathon without any training. Ugh.

Star light, star bright
First star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight.

----------------------------------------------
Dear Universe,

I wish that I will land both car commercials and then have that horrible task of deciding which one to choose! Hmm ... I choose BOTH!!

Thank you,

Silly Sally
----------------------------------------------

Of course, getting my wish would most likely nix my marathon plans for this weekend since it coincides with the possible shoot dates.

Dang. :-)

On the set of "Sophie Paquin"

I can't believe it's already Thursday night and I still haven't run since ... um, since ...

This dreaded Toronto Scotia Waterfront marathon is looming so near in the future and definitely way too close in mind ... just a measly 10 days away and I have still yet to do more than a 10k run, which I've been doing once a week. I seriously wonder what that'll buy me for this upcoming marathon. I am definitely in worse shape than for the Ottawa marathon, a lot of which is due to a tough work schedule.

How do full-time workers train for marathons and Ironman?!?! It is boggling my mind!

Alright, last you heard from me was my getting very little sleep due to the very early rise-and-shine to the dark, cold set of "Sophie Paquin", a Quebec television series. I'd landed a small role of a tourist. Since my role allowed me to carry my camera around, here are some pics of my day. No pics of the make-up/hair/wardrobe people though since when I was with them, I was being dressed, made-up or coiffed, which didn't facilitate picture taking. No pics of me either ... you'll have to try to catch me when this episode airs, and I don't know when that'll be. I usually find out about things like this after the fact ... when someone calls or tells me, "Hey, I saw you in ..."

Inside the beautiful church where we were shooting, which gave us shelter from the cold and wind outside. We were already blocking the exterior shot before sunrise.

Here's a shot of Marc, who played the tour guide ... we had a blast making jokes all day long.

Exterior shot of the church where we shot on the Plateau Mont-Royal. Montreal has amazing architecture. Don't let the sun fool you ... brrrrr.

This is what is known as the "Craft Table", with a few things for breakfast snacking.

I think the food truck is a lot more interesting. They make us tasty hot snacks that get served on set. I was sad to say I missed my ritual morning sandwich due to being too busy shooting a scene.

Here are a line-up of trailers ... they go all the way to the bottom of the street, and also in the other direction too (not in shot). I had to share my dressing room with another actor who played another tourist, but that's alright. We didn't have much time to lounge ... too busy shooting (and freezing!)

Here are some crew shots ...

And shots of two of the leads ... but would you recognize them?



And of course, other fellow actors, Marc and two others who played tourists like me.

Tired.

Had a very busy day at work. Non-stop, rush rush rush ... Off to an appointment through the pea soup of rush hour traffic to get downtown. I work way out by the airport, sigh.

High point of my day - meeting JC for a wonderful Indian meal at some restaurant on the Plateau Mont-Royal close by where he lives. Had to hear the full scoop about his first ever triathlon, a sprint he did on Saturday, and also about his recent trip to Burning Man. Check out his pics! JC, you're a triathlete now and also a way too cool photographer.

Got home after supper and couldn't run ... Duh! tummy too full ... nixed the swim too for the same reason and decided to go grocery shopping instead. I may not be starving but my fridge is. Now I'm back, it's almost 11:30 and I still have to unpack the groceries and prep for tomorrow's shoot. I comtemplated going for a short run but I have to get up at 3:45 am to get to set on time.

Let's hope I don't fall asleep putting away the groceries. Yaaaawn ...

I am suffering

Though my headaches due to injuries from last year's car accident are for the most part under control, every once in a while, I get a real doozy migraine, like today's. Not even codeine nor the strong anti-inflammatory Voltaren can touch this level of pain.

I don't know how I got through of months of this kind of pain after the car accident. I kept trying to psyche myself up to run 21km+ for my long slow run today but as the day progressed and the headache worsened, my plans to do any training at all completely fizzled.

Time to go to bed soon ... or at least lie down in the dark where I will hope and pray that the nausea subsides and if I am lucky, very lucky, sleep will finally distract me from this misery.

My left shoulder and neck muscles are super tight (source of my migraine) and my left arm is "sleepy" and heavy ... result of a nerve being compressed by the inflamed muscles. Never had this recurring problem before the accident ... sigh.

So no training today unfortunately, but I'm glad to report that yesterday, inspired by my fresh dedication to Ironman, I threw myself into the pool for a short 1000 m swim of 4 x 250 m sets including some drills. I didn't *feel* I was going fast but kept finding myself frustratingly swimming over everyone. That's what I get for "one-lane" Saturdays.

I would have loved to have swam more but scrumptious food and wine with Mr. Dude up north beckoned. I'm hoping he's going to help me get stronger on the bike next summer as he lives amongst rolling hills, exactly what I will encounter in Louisville, Kentucky. A cyclist friend who used to race is definitely a valuable ally to a wannabe double Ironwoman.

When the pull is too strong ...

Run report for the past week:

Saturday (in Toronto) - 5k
Sunday (back in Montreal) - 10k
Tuesday - 5k
Friday - 10k

Alright, that's only 30k, but much better than the 10k/week I've been doing ... Yes, I know that the marathon is only 15 days away ... but where there's a will, there's a way. I just couldn't find it this week, what with travelling and kids, working 47 hours, an audition, some interior design work for a friend (yay, I get to be creative), a parent-teacher meeting, and hanging out with friends.

Yes, I know ... I will have to cut somewhere and unfortunately, it always seems to be with my sleep. Please forgive me friends as I will have to start ignoring your invitations. Goodbye, but just temporarily, to other fun activities, like dancing ... alright, not quite yet. You can be my cross-training as I build my base back up.

I'd better get my act together soon though as I've got a really tough gig ahead of me beyond this marathon ... something that has been mulling in my head for the past few weeks, swirling around in my brain and interfering with my thought processes, beckoning me ... tempting me ... convincing me ...

That's it!! ENOUGH ALREADY!! I can only handle so much!

No turning back now ... I did it and signed up for Ironman Louisville. Why that one? Cause it wasn't full and somewhere in a corrupted chip in my head, I convinced myself that I could drive there ... it's only 15 hours away.

Three words

Too much overtime.

Confession

Now that I've started running again after my doctor-induced break, I'm finding it a little more challenging than I'd like.

Sometimes, I pray that the light will turn red.

Yup, you got it folks, the simple truth! I wish and hope for that 30 second reprieve where I can stop running, go "ah", and just relax. Most of the time though, Murphy's Law prevails and dang, I'll get to that red light just as it turns green ... And what with runner's guilt being so powerful, I am forced to continue. That's right, runner's guilt dictates that green means go.

BAH!! Who made up these rules?

Sigh.

I ran 10k last Sunday. It was actually much easier than it was the previous weekend. Maybe the bit of cycling that I've been doing helped ... maybe that it was much cooler and I had finally gotten some rest the previous nights is more like the real answer. Good news is that my body wasn't suffering the next morning. Good news indeed. Muscle memory, it's recuperation powers are starting to kick into a higher gear.

Have I run since Sunday? Ummmm ...

Monday
Got invited to the Montreal World Film Festival closing cocktail. Had planned to go back home and run afterwards but got whisked away down the red carpet to the award ceremony and closing screening of the incredible and poignant film "A Secret" by French director Claude Miller (who, by the way, is a very nice and unpretentious gentleman). This film, along with "Ben X", won the top prize of the festival, the juried Grand Prix of the Americas. It's coming out soon, don't miss it!

Tuesday & Wednesday
Late evenings at work followed by supper with friends ... A girl's gotta eat, you know! Don't forget, I'm in marathon training.

Warm healing vibes to Alston ...

Just found out that a friend of my friend MJ's that I met at her New Year's party is recovering right now in the hospital from having a cancerous tumour removed. He had only just finished an utterly gruelling chemo treatment.

Please take some time to look at Alston's blog and send him positive vibes, whether just in your thoughts or as a comment, even though you don't know him. There is a lot of truth in wishful thinking ...

Here he is at MJ's party, so incredibly full of laughter and warmth ... Alston, though I don't know you as more than an acquaintance, I remarked right away on your beautiful energy ... I'm sending you positive vibes. Hang in there, you will feel better soon ... All things in life are transitory.