I hate having insomnia

Well, I wore my bikini at the beach and a bared my Buddha Belly who also wanted to get some sun. (Yes, I dared!) I must have the most powerful sunscreen in the world because I don't even have a tan line and my belly is still very white.

Lots and lots and lots of weeds in different parts and a lower water level ... but still a lot of fun. Didn't make for the best swimming in the world though. I resorted to doing breast stroke as I felt I needed to see something other than weeds and cloudy water. Funniest moment was my youngest son making a wig out of seaweed to camouflage himself from me while we were playing tag.

I hate not being able to fall asleep when I want to ... which doesn't happen too often. Why don't I feel sleepy? I'm certainly tired ...

Watched a film I picked up for real cheap at Walmart. And I'm happy we spotted it in the bargain bin.

I've caught different bits of this film at various times on television so said, what the heck, why not? I was sure the kids would enjoy it, and indeed we all did. Totally underrated, totally hilarious. Pokes fun at a lot of stereotypes and still manages to convey a positive message at the end. Brandon Fraser is excellent in all his different roles, and Elizabeth Hurley does what she does best ... sexy and gorgeous with a bit of playfulness.

My Buddha Belly is very happy

Been on vacation with the kids for the last week and a half and it's quite apparent in the food that we're eating.

For example, check out these chocolate lava cakes, just like the ones you'd order in a fancy restaurant ...

Of course, every night is movie night ...

And we've been drinking lots of sugar-filled "juice", but it's oh soooo tasty! Our favourite!

On the up side (well, maybe down side 'cause it's against doctor's orders), we've been cycling and swimming, some kind of activity everyday ... have to, to fight the Buddha Belly which is gaining ground at a tremendous speed.

We are going to the beach today. Bikini or not? Oh, I shudder!

Ooohh! I'm still in pain!

Friggin' SUV driver who rear-ended me ... "It's nothing." Yeah, right. I'm sure he wouldn't be saying that if he felt the way I do right now.

My neck is still bothering me and right now, I have a huge knot in my back that is compensating for the irritated neck. Great. Pain killers and muscle relaxants ... good thing I have both after a visit to the doctor's.

Bad news is that I'm forbidden to do any sports for the next few weeks as the doctor (another one) is trying to figure out the source of my post-concussion headaches ... How much is due to the irritated neck (whiplash) and how much is due to the concussion I suffered last year?

All I know right now is that I'm in pain. Ugh.

To change the subject, let's talk about food ... food is always a welcome topic. Here's what I made the other night for supper ...

- Italian sausages on the BBQ

- Rapini with garlic

- Rice with portabello mushrooms, red pepper, green and yellow onions, parmesan and sun-dried black olives

YUMMY!

So no sports and lots of good food ... bad combination for the Buddha Belly. Hmm, is walking allowed? Like, hours of it?

Sometimes it has nothing to do with how well you drive ...

I got hit by a car today. Rear-ended.

I had stopped for a light. But the driver behind me decided not to stop.

He was driving some huge SUV. My car is a little Chevy Aveo. Can you imagine the impact? His car pushed mine into the station wagon in front of me.

No apology, no how are the kids, how is your friend? He did ask me if I was alright, and I said quite clearly, evidently shaken, "NO, I am NOT alright."

Do you think he would have noticed that all my hair, which had been thrown forward with my neck, was still stuck all over my face? Noooo ... he was just a stupid a-hole driver who walked back to his car with no comment.

Then when I finally went to speak with him to ask him what the f*ck he thought he was doing (without using those words), he mentioned something about "it was something in my car" then had the gall to say about the accident, "It was nothing." Nothing? ... NOTHING? "I told you I was not alright, my neck and shoulders hurt and you say it is nothing?" The unapologetic man tried to defend his inattentive driving with callousness and nonchalance. That never works, bud ... it just makes you a bigger jerk.

And the woman whose car I got pushed into, all she could say was "I'm a doctor, I'll only talk to you when you calm down. I'm not listening to you." Then she turned her back like a spoiled little brat who couldn't get her way.

Excuse me, Madame ... obviously, there are good reasons for my not feeling calm ... Let me point them out to you because you are so un-observant:

1) I am hurt. All I need is more whiplash on top of last year's whiplash.

2) The driver who hit me refused to accept responsibility.

3) He also had no concern for the passengers of my car, namely me, my kids and my friend.


Thank you Madame for your utter lack of concern. I am glad I am not your patient.

My neck hurts, my back hurts, and my shoulder hurts ... but worse, I feel shaken down to my core emotionally, especially since I am still healing from last year's accident and it's been such a long road back.

Oh, here's another stupid proud remark from the doctor when I told her that whiplash is serious ... "Oh, I've treated lots of people with whiplash." Yup, that's why she took my being upset and in pain so unseriously.

To top it all off, I overheard the guy driver say to someone on his cell phone, "There's nothing wrong with her".

What happened to decency, respect, compassion and caring?

Sad world in which we live when we encounter incidents like this. Just remember, this is a choice one makes, to care or not to care.

I choose to care.

Thanks JC for caring and consoling me through my tears. Thanks Gustav for trying to massage out the pain ... and thank you to my boys for all the hugs you gave me when you saw how shaken up mummy felt.

Nothing to do and loving it!

It's summer vacation for me and the kids. Two weeks with no obligations and no alarm clock waking us abruptly in the morning.

Uber cool.

So what are we doing during this period?

Absolutely nothing of importance, productivity-wise that is. In terms of replenishing the soul and taking down the pace of life several notches, it's incredibly important.

Here is a list of our planned activites:

- watching films
- watching cartoons (them, not me ... I have to make breakfast))
- going to the cinema
- playing board games
- going for walks
- going to the park
- going to Canada's Wonderland in Toronto
- meals with friends
- a birthday party
- riding our bikes
- swimming
- sleeping
- meals without our friends
- popcorn, chips, and other bad snacks
- lounging
- cuddling
- laughing, playing
- overall general slothing ...

And our attitude towards this period?

YAY!

Sigh, looks like my triathlon season is already over before it began. That's alright 'cause there is always next year ... One thing that is always difficult for triathletes are those things we have to put on the side so that we can do the necessary training. This year, I put those things back and I don't regret it at all ... it felt good to see my friends and dance and watch television and get more sleep and, and, and ...

An evening feast in photos

My tango partner, PB, is as wonderful a cook as he is dancer. And for both of those, I am grateful to him :-)

Menu

1) Anti-pasta - black & green olives, marinated spicy eggplant
2) Can't remember the name of this dish (name will come later) but it was delicious!
3) Salmon with PB's special mayonnaise
4) Green salad
5) Grilled vegetable terrine
6) Osso bucco and endives in lavender, Greek potatoes
7) Mango sherbert, Black Russian tea

French bread, Portuguese red wine - Chaminé

I was spoiled rotten! No time to train if I'm too busy spending 4 hours eating ... hmmm ... no, more like MMMMM!!

Yowza! I'm biking to work!

Most of you know that I have not been mentioning any cycling ... 'cause I ain't been doing any ...

BUT ...

I finally tuned up my mountain bike and added all my new toys to make it possible to ride to work ... rack, saddle bags, slicks, lock ... then I got everything ready for the next day ... toiletries, lunch, $$ and other stuff from my purse, and folded up my clothes neatly and placed it on the kitchen table to avoid getting wrinkled.

Woke up late the next morning and threw everything into my bags. Rode to work and was very proud of myself. Realised I'd forgotten something very important and rode back home, feeling really stupid. Picked up my clothes from the kitchen table and headed off again to work.

Well, at least I finally got in some decent distance ... 60k in all!

I rode to work yesterday too and really felt my 12 1/2 hour day on the way back home while riding into the wind in the total dark.

I see the sun shining, originally uploaded by Irongoddess.

Hey, I've joined Flickr, a cool photo site. Catch me there for pics of my trip to Toronto and others!

Let's lighten up the mood a bit!

This is taken off my Coolrunning Multi-Sport chat forum ... Enjoy!!

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My Race Report, re-written by my dear son (Age 3)
- by mbannon

Daddy woke me up at night and put me in the car. I fell asleep. I woke up and it was light out and there were trees. I cried. Mommy gave me a grola bar and I threw it on the ground. A squirl ate it and I laughed. Daddy yelled at me and I cried. Then I saw a BIG lake!!! Mommy took me to the lake while Daddy put funny clothes on.

At the lake I got to throw rocks. I threw one really far and it hit a person wearing funny glasses and a scary black suit. I laughed. Mommy yelled at me and I cried. The people in scary suits got in the water. I ran to the water, too, but Mommy runned faster and caught me. Daddy laughed. Mommy did not. I saw a duck!!

The grown-ups started swimming. Mommy pointed and said “There goes Daddy!” I found a stick shaped like a gun! Pow, pow, pow!! All the grown-ups started dying. I laughed.

The scary people got out of the water and ran to their bikes. I ran, too, but Mommy caught me again. The grown-ups took off their scary suits and got on their bikes in their underwears. I could see their pee-pees and boobies. I shot their pee-pees and boobies with my gun.

Daddy rided away from me and I started to cry. Mommy tried to hug me and I hit her with my gun. She yelled at me, so I threw my gun at her. Mommy made me sit in the car. She gave me a grola bar and my juice. I ate the grola bar and threw the juice on the ground. I made Mommy pick it up. I did that more. Mommy yelled at me.

Mommy took me back to see the bikes. I found a mud puddle! I splashed until I fell down. I was yucky. I cried. Mommy took me back to the car for new pants. Her hand hurt my arm. We went back to see the bikes again. I found a mud puddle! Mommy pulled me away. Daddy came back, then ran away from us. I cried. Mommy said “Let’s go see the lake.” I yelled “NO!!!” Mommy said “Let’s find duckies.” I yelled “NO!!!” I hit Mommy and runned. Mommy caught me and said bad words. Mommy made me sit in the car.

Mommy took me back to see the bikes. I found a mud puddle! I splashed until I fell down. I was yucky. I cried. Mommy wouldn’t change me. I cried more. I yelled “I WANT DADDY!!” Mommy took me back to the car and took my pants off and put my shoes back on with just my diaper. I laughed. Mommy took me back to see the bikes. I found a mud puddle!

Daddy came back. He looked yucky. Mommy gave him a small hug. Mommy gave me to Daddy. Mommy walked away. I cried. I yelled “I WANT MOMMY!!” Daddy made me sit in the car. He put pants on. Mommy got in the car and we started driving. I fell asleep.

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Thanks Matt!

When is a choice not really a choice?

What do you do if you are very sick and are given only two choices?

1) Take meds that will make you feel gravely ill knowing they may help a tiny bit or maybe not at all to extend your life and might even ironically shorten it ... then you die.

2) Take no meds, be "well" for X number of short days, or not as gravely ill .. then you die.

This is a very sad period in my life and I cannot even fathom what is going on in my mother's mind. I wish I could hold her in my arms and stroke her hair and make it all go away ... or even transfer it all to me.

When bad things happen to good people ... where is the sense in this world? My son, his eyes full of tears, asked me, "Why her?" There is no answer. Things just are.

All my childhood and adolescent memories are flooding back into my mind ... I'm not ready yet to let you go, mommy ... I am that lost little girl in the department store again frantically searching for you, afraid and crying, longing to feel safe and secure again ...