The Voice Within

I got a chance to do some cycling in "lands unknown", the pretty countryside and waterfront of Barrie and Oro, Ontario. I would have enjoyed the ride more if I had known what to expect (distance and elevation) and wasn't pressed for time.

SS: I have three hours to ride. Is this going to be an easy ride? How hilly is it?

CK: Yeah, it'll be an easy ride ... not hilly, pretty flat.

Yeah, right.

[Start of Rant]

It's rare when I get pissed off, but without giving you details, let me say that after a very hilly 85k ride that of course went way past three hours in length and got us back WAY later than intended, it was not fun to deal with the consequences. I'd have turned back sooner but I was dependent on my cycling buddy for my bearings as we were out in "no man's land". As well, he was already pissed off at my cycling inabilities/limitations and kept dropping me.

So what were the consequences?

1) I had trouble finding flowers for my mom since the florist shops were closed when we got back and I got cleaned up.
2) I arrived much later at my mom's gravesite than planned, after the administration office was closed, meaning there was no one to help me find her grave.
3) I had to cancel a cup of tea with a friend, and couldn't check out the reno job he was doing on his new house.
4) My dinner plans with other friends got totally screwed up. We were supposed to go out together for supper but they were too hungry and tired to wait anymore.

Yeah, I was pretty pissed. I have nothing against hard rides, but that particular day, I didn't need to do that distance and I didn't need to do all those hills (I'm not even trained enough for this kind of ride), but most importantly, I didn't have the TIME!

Of course though, this ride was all about HIM.

[End of Rant]

Whew, I feel better now ... thanks for listening.

It took an hour to drive to my mom's cemetary and as I drove through the gates onto the paths that separated the different "gardens", I started crying. This was my first visit back to my mother's final resting place after her funeral and I wasn't sure I would find her grave as the headstone had not been erected right away.

Interestingly, the following song started playing in my car as tears fell onto my face and I felt my mother speaking to me through it ...

"The Voice Within"
by Christina Aguilera

Young girl don’t cry
I’ll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it’s alright
Your tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly

When you’re safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing’s harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there’s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way
You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within

Young girl don’t hide
You’ll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you’re gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It’s so hard to stand your ground when you’re so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul

Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you’re learning
You’ll find all you’ll ever need to know
(be strong)
You’ll break it
(hold on)
You’ll make it
Just don’t forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can’t do
No one can stop you, you know that I’m talking to you

Young girl don’t cry I’ll be right here when your world starts
to fall

So not knowing exactly where my mother lay, and after walking around for a while, I placed the pot of pink petunias where my heart told me to, a still open grave with an unnamed headstone, and then told my mom I loved her.

I called the cemetary adminstration office on Monday once back in Montreal and they were able to confirm that I had placed the flowers correctly.

My mom led me to her and sent me her love through a beautiful song ... Oh God, I miss her so much ...